Fear, Water to Emotions
Emotions are the fuel of our actions, being in control of our emotions gives us the upper hand in the never ending fight of conquering the self. But how do we dominate things that we don’t truly understand, emotions are very complex and because they are personal to each individual, we all have to find our own ways to get to know them and most importantly their triggers. In this document, we will take love as an example, we can agree that Love is a universal emotion but yet Love means something very different from one person to another.
Providing a single definition of any given emotion is impossible for the simple reason that there is no one emotion. We named them but that doesn't define them. Attempting to give a universal definition to emotions is a mistake. Emotions are an ensemble of things, feelings, experiences, memories etc... No 2 individuals experience the exact same emotion. We all call it Love but what we experience, what we feel almost always has degrees of differences.
Since There are too many factors involved to even begin to define what love is, the most we can accurately do if even possible is watch and study an individual life very thoroughly from early childhood, without them knowing and define what love is to them, and even then we would be clouded by our own perceptions and understandings.
"A single definition of Love can not possibly be accurate."
This is why we should focus on the Why and not the What. Why do we love?
Let's take one of the purest form of love as an example, the love a toddler develops for its care givers. That love has nothing to do with biology. An infant doesn't know who is its biological parents. An infant only knows who is there and is told who mama and papa is. Why do infants develop such a pure form of love for their caregiver?
Because the caregiver takes care of them and destroys the element of Fear in their lives. We come on earth clueless, we try things and get hurt. We develop fears, fears of the dark, fears of insects, fear of pain, Fear of the Unknown etc... Good caregivers help us overcome our fears.
Imagine being a baby afraid of the dark, you have no way of expressing and explaining that fear except crying out loud when you wake up in the middle of the night in a dark room. Your caregiver wakes up and like magic, turns on the light, picks you up and comforts you until you calm down and believe it's alright. You then start developing trust and overcoming fears because you believe your caregiver will be there for you.
Your caregiver makes you feel safe along with feeding you and caring for you, that way you develop a certain dependency, a form of love for the caregiver.
Love is developed for people, things or activities that help us go through life with a feeling of safety, freedom, invincibility, approval, content etc...
Love is obviously born for many more reasons, but the point here is that none of those reasons are selfless. Love is a reaction, a creation, it develops in us in reaction to something.
"We can only Love as much as we Love ourselves."
Charity is something almost everyone done at least once and most do all the time. Why do people give charity? There are many reasons. If we stay in the materialistic world, it could be a nice tax break, if we are in the dream world, or some would call it the religious, spiritual or superstitious world etc... People are told to give charity to get God's approval in return, or maybe they have a wish they want God to fulfill etc... You get the point, it is never selfless.
If we stay in the more explainable world, some people give that dollar to feel like they are good people. Ultimately it is not about the person seeking but more about the person giving. We give for us, to make us feel good whatever that means to the individual.
It is also true that a lot of people that give are people with the fear of being in the position of asking some day. So they give for maybe good karma...
There are many reasons why we do things and none are selfless.
"A selfless person wouldn't be capable of Loving, nor would they be able to feel any emotion."
We must face and accept the fact that everything we do, we do it for ourselves, but make no mistake, that doesn't make us Good nor Bad.
For example if We love to make someone smile because of the joy we feel when their smile brighten our souls. We still ultimately make them smile for how it makes us feel but that doesn't make us bad people.
Some love to hurt people because it makes them feel good, some love people who hurt them, some love people who make them sad, some love people who inspire them etc...
What makes us "good" or "bad" people is what makes us happy.
"We all experience Love to some degrees but The reasons why we love vary from individuals, naturally, what we love differs as well."
Why do we love dogs. Because of that feeling they give us by just being. Their ignorance is cute, it's heart warming, or maybe because they give us a sense of responsibility, or a sense of worth etc... Why do they love us, because we feed them, we make them feel safe and we give them treats etc... Seeing them happy make us happy therefore we do what we can to make us happy.
We don't have to face these facts in order to be In Working relationships but if we reflect on them and analyze the relationships that work we will more often see that the people in those relationships compliment each other in many ways. It's always give and take. The less sacrifices needed to be made by any of the parties the more sustainable the relationship will be. Unless making sacrifices is what makes one of the person tic.
This is why the probabilities for a right match are slim. There are many many variables involved, someone if not both end up sacrificing some things for others, and look for a balance. The soul-mate, perfect alliance is usually a fairy tale.
We love most the ones who can create those dear feelings in us! Whatever the feelings are for each of us, some love that warm feeling from the smile example above, some need to feel humiliated, others need to feel powerful. And each of those feelings are composed of different values for each individual.
"Know what makes someone feel whole and if they don't know it themselves, you can own them."
There is no such thing as selflessness, we are beings who are designed to do for the self in order to survive.
Make no mistake, wanted to feel a feeling that is consider bad or sad to most, such as pain, is also something people seek consciously or not. Many people enjoy playing with fire in their actions but that doesn't change anything to the reasons of the actions. The soul reason remains to satisfy the self in one way or another.
"In order to know ourselves we need to know the Whys of our feelings"
If love is a result, a reaction, a way to fulfill and complete us, a way to survive, what is then the ultimate cause for the need to such a strong emotion? What is the trigger?
Fear is the ultimate first emotion. It is to combat fear that we love, our lives are dedicated to overcome Fear.
"If we live in Zygmunt Bauman’s world, Fear is the water of emotions, the ultimate liquid, every other liquid comes from it."
Fear is of course many things, and Fear also differ from individuals.
"Understand your fears and only then you can dominate your world."